Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize