I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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