Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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