Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
