paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
