it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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