yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
