i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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