I must be too annoying 4 u.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
