I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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