oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
