Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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