It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
