He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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