woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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