Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
