toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.