How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies