Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.