Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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