Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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