That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
