if you like me you must not know who I am
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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