threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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