my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
