i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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