he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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