can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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