just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
