So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
