This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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