She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As shirtless as possible
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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