so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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