I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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