my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
