dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
