apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
