whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
