So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
