it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize