I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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