Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
