i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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