He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
