Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
