remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
