the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
