mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
