I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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