Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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