Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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