Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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