the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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