You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
