I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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