As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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