i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
