I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize