Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I did not marry a roomba.
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