So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
