it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
